I will not Wicked Edition!
by PenAndInkPrincess
Summary: Just a list of "I will not..."'s that I've created. T rated because I'm paranoid...
1. Chapter 1

**Just something I thought of for fun. I have yet to read the book (I'm on the waiting list at the library), and as much as I want to, have not seen the whole musical, so this list is based off of the songs I've managed to find on the magical site known as Youtube. **

I will not ask Elphaba if she's channeling her inner Kermit.

I will not tell Nessa that Boq has a thing for ballerinas. (That's actually quite terrible of me to say, but oh well…)

I will not tell Glinda that everyone secretly hates her just to see her reaction.

I will not give Glinda and Elphaba swords and leave them with the words, "Winner gets Fiyero…"

ON THAT THOUGHT: I will not tell Glinda and Elphaba that Fiyero hates them both just so I can have him to myself. …on second thought…

I will not paint myself green to see if I can get Fiyero to kiss me too.

I will not sue Fiyero after a tap-dancing injury with the claim, "He told me I should dance through life!"

I will not tease scarecrow Fiyero by telling him Elphaba shacked up with Boq.

I will not ask Elphaba if she's related to Yoda, and then insist that she phrase it, "Related, I'm not, young padawan."

**Okay guys! I'm going to continue this, but I need your help! Leave comments or send me messages with more "I will not…"'s for the next chapter(s). I'll give you guys credit for whatever you send in! **


	2. Chapter 2

**All of my comments will be in bold, 'kay? Credit is in parenthesis! Please review and enjoy!**

I will not kidnap Fiyero and then tell Elphie that he "moved on." That is, in fact, not funny and could result in magical injury. (FaeTheDevoutScholar) **(A/N: I don't know…it seems like it's worth the risk to me! Teehee! Fiyero all to myself!)**

**My addition: I will not kidnap Fiyero, and then tell Elphie that Galinda did it!**

I will not threaten Glinda with a giant pin to burst her bubble no matter how many times she hits a high C. (DEfy'Gravity95)

I will not tease Fiyero for having a manbag because apparently "it is a sign of somebody comfortable with their masculinity." (DEfy'Gravity95)

I will not ask Fiyero what he and the Tin Man got up to whilst Dorothy and the Cowardly Lion were sleeping. (DEfy'GRavity95)

I will not set Glinda loose with a Bedazzler on the citizens of Oz. **(Mine)**

I will not sign Elphie up for "Extreme Makeover." **(Also mine)**

I will not ask Glinda and Elphaba about Gelphie possibilities even though I REALLY want to. (happyeverafter72)

I will not make Galinda become emo. (GoodWitchesOfOz)

I will not force Elphaba to wear pink in public for a month. (Good WitchesOfOz)

I will not steal the Grimmerie. (GoodWitchesOfOz)

I will not replace Galinda's wardrobe with overalls and work boots. (**Mine**)

I will not paint Galinda green while she sleeps, and then spread around the word that she caught, "The Elphaba." (**Mine**)

I will not replace all of Elphie's clothes with hot pink tube tops, black leather miniskirts, and strappy stilettos; then, as I'm running for my life, shout, "BUT PINK GOES GOOD WITH GREEN!" (**Mine)**

I will not sign Fiyero up for ballet lessons, with the excuse, "Your life-dancing needs work!" (**Mine**)

I will not ask Fiyero if Elphaba does, in fact, taste like celery. (**Mine**)

Even better: I will not ask Galinda if Elphaba tastes like celery. (**Mine-for all of ya'll Gelphie fans)**

I will not ask Elphie if she can survive on photosynthesis. (**Mine)**

I will not ask Elphie if she changes color in fall, like leaves do. **(Mine)**

I will not ask Elphie to deliver pizza on her broom, then threaten to confiscate Fiyero if she doesn't arrive, "in thirty minutes or less!" **(Mine)**

I will not replace all of Fiyero's clothes with formal tuxedos. (**Mine**)

I will not sing, "She wants Boq around the clock all night" to wind up Nessa. (Shockheaded Peter's Sister)

I will not threaten Boq with a can opener. (Shockheaded Peter's Sister)

I will not use the word "Bimbo" to Glinda…well, not more than once. (Shockheaded Peter's Sister)

I will not pull faces to try and make Fiyero fall off during the rope swing. (Shockheaded Peter's Sister)

I will not hand Toto to Elphie, insist I'm helping her, and tell her, "You said you'd get him too!" (**Mine**)


	3. Chapter 3

**Here we go…chapter 3! And they're off! : ) Mine will be in bold, so I don't have to write that I wrote them. **

I will not trade Elphaba's and Fiyero's school papers and switch their names on all of them so that their grades will be switched. (GoodWitchesOfOz)

**I will not show Fiyero romantic Gelphie fics, insist that they're true, and then offer him a shoulder to cry on. **

I will not teach Chistery the words "artichoke," "vegetable," and "Gelphie" when responsible for his English lessons. (DEfy'GRavitY95)

I will not sabotage Fiyero's hair products because the results would be worse than death itself. (DEfy'GRavitY95)

I will ask, under any circumstances, whether the Wizard had just eaten celery before Melena arrived at his door. (DEfy'GRavitY95)

**I will not follow Elphie around whenever it's hot outside holding a giant umbrella over her and then say it's because, "I hate when my vegetables wilt." **

**I will not ask Elphie if she'll get taller if I cover her with fertilizer.**

**I will not give Dorothy access to a fire hose when she goes to confront Elphaba. (Simple splashing is for chumps!)**

**I will not ask Elphie if she enjoys eating insects like other reptiles. **

**I will not have Elphie stand next to a stalk of celery, take a picture, and then exclaim, "Twins!"**

I will not inform Dorothy of what the Witch and the Scarecrow do in their spare time. (wickedRENThead1783)

I will not ask Fiyero what was under his trousers during the whole "Scarecrow" situation (though I'm sure Galinda and a relatively large mob of fan girls would love to know). (wickedRENThead1783)

I will not refrain from putting a warning label on the Green Elixir bottle that says: "WARNING: do not drink while pregnant. May result in green children." (wickedRENThead1783)

**I will not ask Elphie to borrow Fiyero and when asked why respond with, "Because some crows keep getting in my cornfield." **

I will not ask Elphaba if she is feeling under the weather, because she looks a little green. (wickedRENThead1783)

I will not let Galinda anywhere near Elphaba's wardrobe. Ever. (wickedRENThead1783)

**I will not let Galinda anywhere near Elphaba's wardrobe after giving her sequins, pink dye, a Bedazzler, and lots of feathers and fabric glue. **

I will not push Nessa's wheelchair down a steep hill and say it was Fiyero, just to see what Elphaba does.

**I will not ask Nessa if she would care for some milk flowers. **

**I will not ask Fiyero if he's always had a fetish for celery. **

**I will not scream when Elphie eats vegetables saying, "YOU'RE A CANNIBAL!" **

**On that note: I will not hit Fiyero when (if) he's eating vegetables and say, "How could you? Eating your girlfriend's relatives!" **


	4. Chapter 4

**Here we go! The fourth installment! Once again: my words/comments will be in bold. On another note: as I have tripped over my feet/fallen more than five times today, I believe that it is safe to assume that I cannot defy gravity…sigh…**

I will not tell someone that tight white pants will not make them look gay while using Fiyero as an example. (FaeTheDevoutScholar)

I will not lock people I dislike in a cage with Morrible. (FaeTheDevoutScholar)

I will not knock out Elphaba, put her in a padded cell, and then tell that Fiyero was a figment of her imagination. (FaeTheDevoutScholar)

I will not ask Elphie if she knows a certain Harry Potter and start calling her "The Witch Who Lived." (DefyingGravity4Good)

I will not get Elphaba a pet lion cub and put in a cage, just to see if her and Fiyero will reenact the lion cub scene. (DefyGravity4Good)

I will not tell Fiyero that Elphie wants him to get those tight pants in every color possible. (DefyGravity4Good) **O.O But…but why?**

I will not put an armed Elphaba in a room with an unprotected Wizard, Morrible, and Dorothy. On second thought…Maybe I will… (DefyGravity4Good)

**I will not distribute Fiyero's home address to the legions of fangirls…at least not without supplying them with rope, knock-out gas, and handcuffs first…and making them promise that I get to borrow him too…**

**I will not take compromising photos of Elphie and Glinda while they're asleep and then give them out to encourage the Gelphie romance fangirls. **

I will not steal all of Fiyero's clothes, leaving him only with the tight pants, and forcing him to walk around shirtless with just the tight pants on. (DefyGravity4Good) **…you know…I like the way your mind works!**

**On that thought, to prevent further shirt purchases: I will not tell Fiyero that shirts are now illegal. **

**I will not use, "But Elphie and Fiyero did it!" as an excuse to let the lions out of their cages at the zoo. **

**I will not shove Elphie out of a plane without a parachute and then yell after her, "Don't worry! You said you were going to defy gravity! This is practice!"**

**I will not ask Fiyero for dance lessons just so he'll have to hold me really close. **

**I will not give Elphie spray-able salad dressing and tell her it's perfume for vegetables like her. **

**I will not steal Glinda's bubble transportation so I don't have to take the bus to school.**

**I will not use Glinda's bubble to send my brother away when he annoys me. **

**I will not ask Elphie if she can catch bugs with her tongue like others reptiles. **

**I will not spontaneously burst into, "Dancing Through Life," during particularly boring school assemblies on the off chance there are other Wicked fans who will join me in dancing and leaping around the gymnasium. **

**I will not ask Dr. Dillamond if he would like some mutton. **

**I will not ask Fiyero, in front of large groups of people with a megaphone, if Elphie is green under her clothes too. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay, fifth chapter time! Do I really need to say which ones are mine at this point?**

I will not tell Elphie that Harry Potter thinks he can fly better than her. Even though he has a Firebolt. (MorePopZthanGalinda)

I will not refuse to eat vegetables just because they remind me of Elphaba. (FaeTheDevoutScholar)

I will not threaten to destroy the white tights to get Fiyero to do whatever I want… DEfy'GRavitY95)

I will not, repeat not, let a wild animal maul Fiyero just so I can touch his face. *sigh* (DEfyGRavitY95)

I will not hide the Grimmerie, push Elphaba off her broom and use the excuse "she was finally brought down," so I can be Fiyero's shoulder to cry on. (DEfy'GRavitY95)

I will not swap Elphaba's broom with Glinda's bubble to see what Elphaba does. (DEfy'GRavitY95)

I will also not swap Glinda's bubble for Elphaba's broom just to see Glinda's reaction. (DEfy'GRavitY95)

**I will not ask Elphie if she's related to the Green Giant. **

**I will not give Elphie a hat and hook Nessa up with a Munchkin just so I can get a wand in return. **

**I will not pull an Elphie by dancing alone when no music is playing, especially in public places. I'm pretty sure it would entertain the security guards though…**

**I will not cry over the pre-packaged lettuce at the grocery store while wailing at the top of my lungs: "ELPHIE! WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU?" Then turn, point accusingly at an employee and shriek, "YOU MONSTER! MAY THE FLYING MONKEYS DESTROY YOUR SOUL!" **

**On that note: I will not buy aforementioned lettuce, give it to Fiyero, tell him it's Elphie, and insist that her last words were that she wanted the two of us to be together. **

**I will not track Dorothy down, throw a bucket of water on her and say, "Yeah! Doesn't feel so good when it's you, does it?" Whether or not it will be a bucket of **_**boiling**_** water remains to be seen. **

**I will not perform "Popular" every time I see someone getting a makeover at the mall. (And I mean choreography, music, the whole shebang!) **

**I will not perform "Popular" every time I give one of my friends a makeover at a slumber party. **

**I will not perform "Popular" every time I get dressed in the morning. **

**I will not ask Elphie if she would care for a sip of Green Elixer. **

**I will not kidnap the Wizard and subject him to a makeover by Galinda, then take pictures to post on the internet**

**I will not give Elphie Dorothy's address, then tell her, "She said she was going to steal Fiyero from you froggie." And I will not then video tape the ensuing reaction to replay for my amusement. **

**I will not tie Glinda and Elphie to chairs and force them to listen to every romantic Gelphie fic on this site. **

I will not think twice before pushing Morrible off a cliff. (Jedi Annie Scrambler)

I will not leave Dorothy and Elphaba locked in a room together to "talk out" their problems with each other. No matter how hilarious the results may be. (SideshowJazz1)

I will not tell Dorothy that her dog's name is really Dodo and she has been pronouncing it wrong all along. (darkgemwildcat)

I will not answer "because Glinda is blonde" to any question involving intelligence. (darkgemwildcat)

I will not tell Elphaba about the zoo. (darkgemwildcat)

I will not use "but Elphaba did it!" when I get convicted of kidnapping a little girl and locking her in my basement. (darkgemwildcat)

I will not ask Elphaba or Fiyero about what exactly happened after the ALAYM scene… (darkgemwildcat)

I will not ask Nessa if she would like to buy running shoes. (darkgemwildcat)

**I will not kidnap Fiyero and then blame Dorothy (hey…she and Elphie already hate each other, why not add a little something extra for my benefit?). **

**I will not use, "But Fiyero said life was better when you dance instead of do homework!" as an excuse to not do aforementioned homework. (Huh…I wonder if I could actually pull that off?) **


End file.
